Nonprofit Leaders Don’t Be Stumped: 3 Ways to Improve How You Resolve Conflict

As a coach to nonprofit leaders, I frequently hear that resolving workplace conflict is challenging and leaders and staff alike are stumped by how to have a better conversation. Having been an executive director for 15 years and a mediator since 2010, I understand wanting to minimize the potential for an argument. I found two articles offering suggestions for having a better conversation that leads to resolution.

In an Inc. article, How to Defuse a Workplace Conflict, Geoffrey James (@geoffreyjames) outlines 12 steps for resolving a disagreement at work. He discusses the importance of paying attention to the warning signs so you can diffuse the situation before it becomes significant and the necessity for practicing excellent communication skills such as paraphrasing and asking open-end questions. James indicates that staying calm while sharing your point of view will help minimize defensiveness, and admitting when you are wrong will.   

Judy Ringer (@judyringer) in her article We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations describes how to have a hard conversation. She lays out how to prepare by asking yourself questions relating to your thoughts and feelings on the conflict as well as how the other person may be feeling. Secondly, Judy outlines inquiry, acknowledgment, advocacy and problem-solving as the four steps for talking through the conflict. Finally, she encourages practicing communication skills and lays out how to ask the other person to meet and discuss the concern.

Drawing on these two articles and my experience as a mediator and instructor on conflict the following tips will help you to have a more successful conversation;

• Prepare for the discussion – Think about what is driving your response to this disagreement. Underlying your desire to get it resolved is what’s important to you (e.g., needs, interests, values, goals) that you believe aren’t being honored.
• First, listen to understand, then speak to be understood – Resolving conflict means having an open and honest conversation. It includes being curious and open to what the other person is saying without judgment as well as sharing your thoughts and feelings on the situation.
• Don’t jump to solutions too quickly – It is tempting to limit the discussion because it’s uncomfortable, but without entirely talking through the concern and what is motivating it, the solution tends to focus on the symptoms instead of what is driving the disagreement.

I encourage you to think about these tips before you have your next challenging conversation so you are prepared and can present your perspective openly and honestly, and at the same time focus your attention on what the other person is saying.